Kenny G's Hour of Pain playlist

Listener comments!

12:10pm d cpat:

first woo

12:10pm -max-:

Love to Kenny G!!

12:10pm annie:

wow, first comment

12:11pm Cecile:

hey, kenny, don't respond, but great karaoke here...

12:11pm annie:

hey,,,,,, ok, third

12:11pm d cpat:

my name is d cpat from now on

12:11pm Carmichael:

See Kenny, it's not so bad. Nicely inane 1st song.

12:11pm Denise in Washington, DC:

Wow, Kenny G has comments! Woot!

12:11pm ross:

hilarious!

12:12pm Denise in Washington, DC:

Elton Ellen's yelling to somebody outside the room is my favorite part.

12:12pm d cpat:

is there an album of these found tapes of kids singing to records? I have a tape of me doing it to the Beatles.

12:12pm jan:

do I stay or do I go. I'll listen for as long as I can stand it. At least it's your own new programming today.

12:13pm Ike:

I was listening on the NJ Turnpike last week, but now I'm back in the office and it just doesn't work so well if I don't pretend I'm a regular dude surfing the airwaves and accidentally coming across the show and saying, "What the fuck?!?"

12:13pm dei xhrist:

re: folkways vocal stretching.
Yes Virginia, if you hear it on WFMU it's true. However if you hear it from Kenny G it's manipulative misinformation intent on ripping the very fabric of the listening experience.

12:14pm Bad Ronald:

Queen!

12:14pm ~L:

Welcome to the Accu Age Kenny!
Really love your show. And I agree math is hard, so just keep editing your comment until an easy one pops up.

12:15pm Lizardner Dave:

When will Kenny sing these comments? Either that, or maybe they'll all be consolidated into his next book. That would be cool.

12:15pm fishmonkeystew:

Kenny G, you rock. Or not. But it is good. Please do not respond. Thank you very much.

12:16pm Cecile:

Poll:
Who should replace Paul Rogers in Queen?
My choices:
Weasel Walter
Jello Biafra
Dude from the Darkness
My little sister when she has too much cabernet

12:17pm ~L:

I was just thinking that same thought. At the end of the show Kenny could sing out our comments!

12:19pm Carmichael:

Jack Black
Root Boy Slim, if he was still alive
Axl Rose
Richard Simmons
The guy from Creed
The dude who sings "O Holy Night"
Scott Walker

12:20pm Cecile:

Carm, dude, that guy from Creed already fronted the Doors...

12:20pm Kenny G:

Yes, I will sing these comments after 2pm. Keep them coming!

12:22pm Lizardner Dave:

That's not the real Kenny G. The real Kenny G doesn't read the comments! He said so, and Kenny G never lies!

12:22pm jan:

thanks for the heads up- I'm leaving at 2:00

12:23pm Bad Ronald:

Sing Kenny Sing!!

12:23pm Cecile:

But lizard dave, we all know Kenny is really Irwin. And Irwin reads comments!

12:23pm d cpat:

My name is Kenny G and I love America, the band.

12:23pm Ken From Hyde Park:

What happened when the Dynamic Duo was run over by the steam roller?

They changed their names to Flatman and Ribbon!

12:25pm stuccotoast:

that Shirley Q. Liquor shore can sing!
nooooo body does it bettttttttttter ..

12:25pm Carmichael:

No shit, Cecile?!? Well, he can't double dip, then! I hereby replace him on my list with T Pain.

Sorry for the confusion, Kenny.

12:27pm bzul:

Shirley Q. Liquor should be Queen lead for a magical day, if given free rein for free-range interpretations stylimazations..Bahamian Rhapsodaisy and such.

12:28pm Sean Daily:

Not even close to first comment! Woo hoo!

Now, will Irwin start going "Woo woo woo!" when he reads the comments strip on the air?

12:30pm sahak:

hey kenny

12:30pm jeremy, the listener:

you are the apple of my eyeball salad

12:31pm Carmichael:

Surfin' chicks! I can hear the waves!

12:34pm bzul:

The day the Ritalin ran out.

12:37pm Cecile:

okay, weird question. Has anyone had pneumonia before? What does it feel like? My sternum hurts like hell....

12:38pm Lizardner Dave:

@ Cecile: Ah, well it all makes sense then. Guess all that's left to say is "Please call Stella. Ask her to bring these things with her from the store: Six spoons of fresh snow peas, five thick slabs of blue cheese, and maybe a snack for her brother Bob. We also need a small plastic snake and a big toy frog for the kids. She can scoop these things into three red bags, and we will go meet her Wednesday at the train station. "

12:39pm Cecile:

"Please call Stella. Ask her to bring these things with her from the store: Six spoons of fresh snow peas, five thick slabs of blue cheese, and maybe a snack for her brother Bob. We also need a small plastic snake and a big toy frog for the kids. She can scoop these things into three red bags, and we will go meet her Wednesday at the train station. "

12:40pm Lizardner Dave:

Please call Stella. Ask her to bring these things with her from the store: Six spoons of fresh snow peas, five thick slabs of blue cheese, and maybe a snack for her brother Bob. We also need a small plastic snake and a big toy frog for the kids. She can scoop these things into three red bags, and we will go meet her Wednesday at the train station. "

12:41pm Bad Ronald:

http://tinyurl.com/26czqm

If you're coughing up blue cheese you might have pneumonia.

12:43pm Jack:

12:44pm Cecile:

Nope. I think it might be an aftermath from something else. IE hot salsa and chips as a midnight snack doesn't work when you're old.

12:44pm Kenny G:

Yes! Please call Stella!!!! :))

12:45pm Dr. No:

Cecile, if you feel like you have pneumonia, go get a chest x-ray, if it looks cloudy in spots instead of clear, it's pneumonia. Get treatment. It could be serious.

12:46pm willz:

don't encourage it kenny....

12:46pm Carmichael:

This is the point of the show when I stop understanding the comments.

12:46pm willz:

great comp!

12:46pm Stanley:

STELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:47pm Cecile:

I think I banged up my breastbone because I was, er, ill with a bout of massive acid reflux, er, refluxing. No fever, not chills, just sore ribs/sternum.

12:48pm Cecile:

but I should maybe call my quack to make sure...

12:51pm bzul:

What ya got there is maybe sore intracostal muscles after being in a world of hurl. And imagine...Kenny's gonna sing it all!

12:52pm Doug in DC:

Aaaarrr! Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

12:52pm Cecile:

I know! LOL!

There is a method to my madness....

12:52pm Bad Ronald:

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

12:53pm stuccotoast:

Rrrrrrrrrrruuummmmmmmmmm, RRUUMM!
I love RUM!
Vrooom!
Too hoo hoo hoo
Orden-en Thur-Nuk
By destroying everyday language

12:55pm dc pat:

ich mochte danzen aber ich habe keinen eep op orp ah-ah

12:57pm Bad Ronald:

Venn ist das nurnstuck git und slotermeyer? Ya! Beigerhund das oder die flipperwaldt gersput!

12:58pm R I S K Y:

Im here. Good morning all!

12:58pm chorus::

Slavsya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye,
Druzhby narodov nadyozhny oplot!
Partiya Lenina — sila narodnaya
Nas k torzhestvu kommunizma vedyot!

We ner ner ner ner ner, hner ner hner
Er hner we ner ner ner ner ner
Ner ner her ner ner ner hner the ner
Er ner ner hner ner, nher hner ner ner (etc.)
Ner hner ner

12:59pm Bill Cosby:

Gonna get some raggitz,
an' some reeze,
an' some reezenbawzm..
ah hah hah

12:59pm dc pat:

also, Shlecht Ronald, du sprache deutche?

1:00pm Cecile:

God growing up in the 70s sucked.

1:00pm Bad Ronald:

Nein - I ripped that from Python.

1:01pm dc pat:

monty or geek language?

1:02pm Cecile:

ach du lieber augustine, ya da da da

that, Einsturzende Neubauten and hasenpfeffer are the only German I know.

1:03pm dc pat:

Cecile: it sucked until PUNK ROCK! YAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

1:03pm annie:

you are sooooo mean..

1:04pm Cecile:

I heard of Vertical Horizon. They suck.

Yaaaaah back, dc pat! I also liked the Mothership nexus as well.

1:08pm Bad Ronald:

Monty from the killer joke skit.

1:09pm Cecile:

HONEST ED'S!
What a great place.

1:09pm dc pat:

Bad Ron: Oh yeaaaaaahhh, forgot about that one. It's on Youtube.

1:10pm Cecile:

Windsor may be a hellhole, but they have great dim sum.

1:12pm stuccotoast:

Answer this math question:
662 + 2 = WHAT !?
I'm a HUMAN
not a number
cruncher

1:13pm William Swan:

We're not the first; I hope we're not the last.
I know we're all headed for that adult crash...

1:14pm risky!:

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

1:15pm risky!:

cro mags!!!

1:15pm Bad Ronald:

Happy birthday Ozzy!

1:16pm Laurie:

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

1:16pm noel:

hey, i bought the adorno 7" by mail order from an ARC in toronto a couple of years ago. When i got it i was dismayed to find out that my "copy" was a cdr slipped inside a 7"inch jacket!

1:17pm Carmichael:

And happy birthday to John Cale!

1:19pm ?:

It's not Kenny's fault.

1:20pm risky!:

my butt smells

1:23pm Bad Ronald:

Does your nose poop?

1:24pm stuccotoast:

Gustav Mahler...
Mahler?
I DIDN"T EVEN TOUCH HER!

This shall be WIDELY UNPOPULAR By Government Decree.

1:27pm dc pat:

dc council just approved a bill to allow all bars to stay open 24 hours a day Jan 17 through Jan 20.

1:27pm andy:

There was a lot of turmoil at the Rite of Spring premiere, but it couldn't have been "French Fascists", since the premiere was in 1913. Read the account in "The Rest is Noise"; very interesting. Apparently Stravinsky had as many supporters as hecklers in the crowd and they were yelling at each other.

1:31pm annie:

pat, is that the post-king celebration extension program?

1:32pm jan:

wow Kenny- you should try listening to your show in STEREO- it's really cool- have you ever tried it?

1:35pm risky!:

kennyennywennyjennyhenneybenny! I dare you to read this on the air. I dare you! I DARE ME! TO RED THIS! I DARE NOT...

1:38pm Parq:

I've heard this movie-trailer thing before - brilliant! Kenny's listeners, I'm sorry this is kind of a boring thing to read out loud.

1:41pm dc pat:

andy: you're right, guys yelling at each other

annie: yeah that and inauguration

1:43pm listener jon:

I wear bologna underwear
I wear it everywhere
I wear it to the fair and in my lair
Would you care to share my bologna underwear?
Semper Ubi Sub Ubi, Semper Ubi Sub Ubi

1:44pm spankhaus.com:

SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES

1:50pm risky!:

creep when the spirit says creep.
puppy tails
puppy tails
puppy tails

1:50pm annie:

oh wow, i totally forgot about that!!

1:53pm Cecile:

I'm not half the mammal I used to be.

1:53pm dc pat:

Yeah it's going to be one HELL of a party down here.

1:53pm giglg:

I'm sticking with you / 'cause I'm made out of / wonderful, wonderful Taco Salad!

1:58pm Parq:

How I do wonder if d Cpat, our stalwart companion, shall profit from renting his own beloved rooms to moneyed vistors for the grand innauguration festivities. There, I tried to word that so it will be worth singing.

1:58pm Pall Mick Art Knee:

Yes, turd A.
All might rub bull-seamed so Farrah weigh.

2:01pm dc pat:

If I have guests
There will be requests
To exchanging finance
To see Pres-elect prance.

2:02pm annie:

un petit d'un petit sais d'on a wahl..
un petit d'un petit aide a great faut

a poor attempt at mots d'heurre geusse rahmes.

2:07pm Lizardner Dave:

I don't think he's gonna do it. No sir, I think Kenny might be fibbing about singing the comments just to get us all to post silly stuff here. Well played, Mr Goldsmith. Well played.

2:08pm Den mother:

Poison Oak, some boyhood bravery,
when a telephone was a tin can on a string, and
I fell asleep with you still talking to me, you said you're not afraid to die. In Polaroids, you were dressed in women's clothes, were you made ashamed, why'd you lock them in a drawer? Well, I don't think that I ever loved you more.

2:08pm jan:

I'm still listening, kenny.

2:09pm Grivibik Harskop:

Im looking for a Bento Box, it cant be pinku (thats japanese for pink) or any girl color. It has to be of 2 or more kotoba (thats japanese for 2 compartments) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 bux. And you have to post pics of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii (cute)). And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder (WITH chopsticks). OH! and it CANNOT have any cartoon pictures, or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (korea) or whatever. I have found a Bento Box similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 kotoba, and i dont want my gohan (rice) to touch my other things (it can get wet and i would not like that, plus 2 compartments looks more kawaii)

2:10pm Bad Ronald:

gimme back my roofies you don't need them anymore!

2:14pm jan:

I am getting ready to go, now that you have started performing.

2:14pm dc pat:

yes, first comment read by Kenny!! Woo hoo!

2:15pm Parq:

Before who?

2:15pm Bad Ronald:

Nicely done Kenny G!

2:16pm dc pat:

I dunno, maybe I missed the first few--I was on the phone.

2:16pm Lizardner Dave:

I don't know why Kenny singing the comments makes me happy, but it does.

2:16pm Bad Ronald:

With gusto!

2:20pm Bad Ronald:

That last Stella cracked me up!

2:20pm timmay:

pa pa pa PANIC!!!!!!!

2:21pm jojo:

Gusto? Seems like a mischaracterization, there's not a hint of hip-hop never mind spoofing gansta rap music...
Kenny is the Zohan,,,,clear throat, I am the Zohan and I will make you all silky smooth
I am the Zohan and I will make you all silky smooth
I am the Zohan and I will make you all silky smooth
repeat

2:21pm Doug from DC:

Now here is one unusual item. An old antique artificial prosthetic arm and hand. This item is hand crafted and has fancy tooling on the leather. The hand and hook are interchangable. I think the hand is supposed to flex, but appears to be stiff, maybe it needs some lubricant. This a nice collectors item. You don't find these every day, be the first on your block to get one. Size of arm appears to be small and hand appears medium size.

2:22pm bob loblaw:

This show is actually less irritating than usual. I love Irwin, but this show's aural assault often makes my productivity level decrease significantly...

2:23pm kurt schwitters:

Fümms bö wö tää zää Uu, pögiff, kwii Ee.
Dedesnn nn rrrrr, Ii Ee, mpiff tillff toooo, tillll, Jüü-Kaa? (cantado)
Rinnzekete bee bee nnz krr müüüü, ziiuu ennze ziiuu
rinnzkrrmüüüü,
Rakete bee bee.

2:25pm Ike:

About a year ago, I arrived in the town of Lopburi, Thailand. Lonely Planet warns that this is a town "besieged by monkeys" who hang off of storefronts and "smear excrement on car windows." Well, I was keeping an eye out for the buggers as I wandered around eyeing the produce and food vendors, and heading for a cheap hotel, but I didn't see a single simian. I found my hotel, confusingly called both the Asia Lopburi and the Lopburi Asia as well as just the Asia Hotel. No monkeys there either. So that was good. after checking in to the hotel, I
went out, wandered around, and got some snapshots of various ruins in the dusk. Still no monkeys. I ate a dinner of prawns and squid from a popular street food hawker. Still no monkeys.

So the next morning, I wandered a food market filled with vendors of everything from curries (breakfast, lunch, dinner... people eat curry all the time here) to raw fish, and finally decided to try some of the renowned local fruit. I got a kilo of mangosteens, a strange-looking purple fruit about the size of an apple. It has a very thick skin; you crack it open from the bottom and the flesh on the inside is white, translucent, and sweet, in small tangerine-slice-shaped pieces. Describing the taste is difficult; it's not strong, like the famed stinky durian fruit. It's not mango. It's a little lime-tangeriney. It's fantastic! So I was just walking down the street with a bag of mangosteens hanging off my arm, minding my own business, taking pictures of wats in Lopburi, and a bunch of the simian twerps suddenly appeared out of nowhere and one jumped right onto the bag of fruit. I couldn't drop it right away (it was looped around my wrist in such a way that it was difficult to drop) so I swung the bag around 360 degrees trying to fling the bastard off. But he tore it open in an instant, and they gobbled up the mangosteens as the fruit tumbled across the sidewalk. I'm lucky they didn't take my camera too, which was in my left hand. And that they didn't bite me or pick my pocket or get my passport.

In new developments, anti-democratic jerks have besieged the government of Thailand in recent weeks. Why didn't they just tell Lopburi's monkeys that there were mangosteens in the airport?

2:26pm jeremy, the listener:

it's 2:48 pm. do you know where your children are?

2:26pm 1mckrs:

boys go to college to get more knowledge

2:28pm Fliggery Gizzard Poop:

How is babby formed How girl get pragnent?

They need to do way instain mother> who kill thier babies, becuse these baby can't frigth back? It was on the news this morning a mother in AR, who had kill her three kids. They are taking the three babby back to New York too a lady to rest. My pary are with the father who lost his chrilden ; i am truley sorry for your lots.

2:31pm dc pat:

god this is like hearing your poetry recited! HilARious!

2:34pm Lizardner Dave:

We've gotta stay ahead of Kenny or he'll run out of show!

2:34pm Austin:

Too hot to handle Too cold to hold
call the ghostbusters and theyre in control!

2:35pm jan:

I'm leaving now, Kenny, really, and I won't even hear this comment read.
Hear ya next week!

2:35pm Bad Ronald:

I'll see your mother and I'll raise you one.
Let's have some good clean family fun.
Daddy owes and he's on the run.
You and your uncle will be calling me son.

2:36pm 1mckrs:

girls go to jupiter to get more stupiter

2:36pm Lizardner Dave:

Driven by a preoccupation with “Uncreativity as Creative Practice”, Goldsmith is essentially the habitual editor of one large project, contributing to both the study and practice of poetry as a writer, academic and as curator of the prolific archives at UbuWeb. His process, a series of writing and self–induced constraints has produced 600 pages of rhyming r phrases, sorted by syllables and alphabetized (No. 111 2.7.93-10.20.96, 1997); everything he said for a week (Soliloquy, 2001); every move his body made during a thirteen-hour period (Fidget, 1999); a year of transcribed weather reports (The Weather, 2005); and one day, the September 1, 2000 issue of The New York Times, transcribed (Day, 2003). The Goldsmith's practice embraces the performance of the writer as process and plagiarism as content.

Extensive creative and critical responses to his work are archived at Kenneth Goldsmith, Electronic Poetry Center with several being consolidated in Open Letter: Kenneth Goldsmith and Conceptual Poetics (2005). Notable addresses of Goldsmith's poetry include those of the eminent critics Marjorie Perloff, Craig Dworkin, Sianne Ngai and Johanna Drucker and poets Bruce Andrews, Christian Bok, Darren Wershler-Henry, Christine Wertheim, and Caroline Bergvall. Poet and Critic Juliana Spahr asserts, "Kenneth Goldsmith is without a doubt the leading conceptual poet of his time".[2]

The first symposium on Conceptual Poetics was held at the Olso Poetry Festival in November 2007. A larger conference, Conceptual Poetry and its Others, organized by critic Marjorie Perloff will be held at the University of Arizona Poetry Center in May 2008.

2:36pm Chris Eveley:

Haha I was all WTF is going on when I heard the pinku bento box stuff

2:36pm dc pat:

Right you are L. Dave:

The army of Münster was defeated in 1535 by the prince bishop Franz von Waldeck, and John of Leiden was captured, he was found in a cellar of a house and then was taken to a dungeon in Dülmen, then brought back to Münster. On January 22, 1536, along with Bernhard Krechting and Bernhard Knipperdolling, he was tortured and then executed. Each attached to a pole by an iron spiked collar, their bodies were ripped with red-hot tongs for the space of an hour, after Knipperdolling saw the process of torturing John of Leiden, he attemped to kill himself with the collar using it to choke himself. The executer tied him to the stake to make it impossible after that. After the burning, their tounges were pull out with tongs before each was killed with a burning dagger thrust through the heart. Their bodies were raised in three cages above St. Lambert's Church, the remains left to rot. Their bones were removed about 50 years later, but the cages have remained into the 21st century.

2:36pm 1mckrs:

I went down to the crossroads

2:36pm Zippz:

Chew Chew Chewing tobacco.
Frown Frown Frownland.
Handy Handy Handshakes.
Rub a dub dub.
Rub a dub dub.
Shake a shake a shake a.
I got a dollar for kisses.

2:36pm xangoir:

the word is getting around - the moon Jupiter and Venus are smiling ! no frowning! no it's a full moon. just a wide mouth alone in the sky!

2:37pm VLLLLLLLLLL:

From: dc pat

god this is like hearing your poetry recited! HilARious!

Wed. 12/3/08 2:34pm From: Lizardner Dave

We've gotta stay ahead of Kenny or he'll run out of show!

Wed. 12/3/08 2:34pm From: Austin

Too hot to handle Too cold to hold
call the ghostbusters and theyre in control!

Wed. 12/3/08 2:35pm From: jan

I'm leaving now, Kenny, really, and I won't even hear this comment read.
Hear ya next week!

Wed. 12/3/08 2:35pm From: Bad Ronald

I'll see your mother and I'll raise you one.
Let's have some good clean family fun.
Daddy owes and he's on the run.
You and your uncle will be calling me son.

Wed. 12/3/08 2:36pm From: 1mckrs

girls go to jupiter to get more stupiter

2:37pm swami:

you ever say a word so many times it makes no sense? Cheese cheeses cheese cheese cheese cheese Cheese cheeses cheese cheeses cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese Cheese cheeses cheese cheese cheese cheese

2:37pm dc pat:

He's right behind us commenters!! Post!!!

2:37pm Den Mother:

Teenagers scare the living blank out of me, they don't care , unless somebody bleeds.

2:38pm risky!:

extol the solar rays. vir hakeem salutes the godhead... VIGILANCE.

2:39pm Lizzy:

Help me!!!
This is a cry for help!
Please someone! Find me and help me!
I have soiled everything!
I got al dirty!
I got all dirty!

2:39pm Jessica:

Brian Feldman is a big dork! Chocolate is better than Brian. I like milk and I won't quit! Why am I on your desktop? I... that's it.

2:39pm Lizardner Dave:

This oughta do it...

14:00

Deep breath in. Exhale. As air is expelled, chest falls. Shoulders protrude. Body thrusts forward. Palms of hands push down. Knees straighten. Buttocks raise. Body rises. Moves backward. Back of knees push. Body bends to left. Left hand grasps. Right hand grasps. Both hands thrust out from body. Fingers separate and pull. Body bends down. Slumps. Right foot raises. Bends at knee. Right foot hits ground. Left foot raises. Bends at knee. Left foot hits ground. Thumbs pull away from each other. Thumbs slip. Caress groin back and forth. Body leans forward. Bends at waist. Right hand reaches out. Left hand pushes down. Right finger scrapes body. Left hand grasps. Body turns. Walks. Left hand lifts. Body turns, reversing itself. Grasp. Right finger punches. Thumb and right forefinger pinch. Body arcs forward. Right forefinger hooks. Body reels back. Weight on left foot. Right foot lifts. Body leans. Grasps. Right hand pushes. Step. Step. Step. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Body turns left. Body turns right. Moves straight. Deep breath in. Left hand pulls. Right thumb nudges penis. Urine flows. Anus pushes. Bladder pushes. Anus contracts. Left hand shakes penis, flicking drops of urine. Lean forward. Left hand outstretched. Presses down. Body turns. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Stop. Grasp. Arm muscles bulge. Moves forward. Right foot steps high. Bends at knee. Left foot drops. Ten tips of fingers push down. Goosebumps appear all over body. Elbows on knees. Hands rest on chin. Eyes stare straight ahead. Forefingers push on eyelids. Red seen with streaks of green. Dots of many colors. Horizontal stripes appear in a field. Eyes ache from behind eyeballs. More pressure applied. Bluish ghostlike images of veins seen through closed eyelids. Eyes view retina and pupil. Press hard. Colors darken. Veins become white. Swirling red dots seen. Pain behind eyeball. Finger massages eyelids. Hands cover eyes. Dots appear blue. Black field with bright blue veins. Sudden red shift. More light penetrates. Colored shapes appear, ending in center of pupil. Forefingers massage tear ducts. Blue seen. Eyes stroke repeatedly. Field of vision goes dark. Throbbing pain behind eyeballs. Hands move away from eyes. Eyes close. Light turns vision olive green through closed eyes. Tongue licks upper lip, left to right. Mucus drawn from nose to back of throat. Mucus pushed to front of mouth by tongue. Mucus slides beneath tongue. Tongue reverses, probing area below. Tongue scoops mucus in its gully and divides pool of mucus into two. Mucus moves to back of tongue. Eyes open. Hand moves to side of face. Palms cover cheeks. Elbows crush knees. Back bends. Breathing from belly. Mucus blocks air trying to pass through nostrils. Eyes dart to left. Light forces eyes to right. Eyes focus closely. Glance afar. Register motion. Dart downward to right. Move to lower left center. Small motion attracts eye. Moves left to right. Focus upon lower right. Motion in peripheries. Eyes at rest. Lower right hand peripheral vision disturbed. Blink. Fills with water. Blink. Hand moves to eye. Rubs. Eyes open. Yawn. Belly rises and falls. Hands leave face. Move to thighs. Forefinger scratches skin beneath testicles. Hands clasp. Goosebumps appear over body then subside. Eyes cast downward. Glance upward. Look to left. Face ahead. Lean backwards. Weight on buttocks. Body reclines fifteen degrees. Right leg lifts. Extends. Straightens. Left leg lifts. Extends. Legs parallel. Toes on left foot separate. Right foot tilts. Calf flattens. Right calf bulges. Big toe flicks. Vein on top of right foot flicks back and forth. Toes on right foot wiggle. Muscles ripple on top of right foot. Eyes close. Middle finger moves to right thigh. Scratches repeatedly. Left hand moves to outer left thigh. Scratches repeatedly. Yawn. Hands outstretch. Clasp behind neck. Body moves backward. Neck thrusts backward. Toes wiggle. Eyes close. Swallow. Inhalation sucks gob of mucus from nasal passage to throat. Swallow. Mucus pushed to front of mouth on tip of tongue. Peristalsis slides mucus to back of throat. Left hand touches corner of mouth. Knees bend. Body slumps. Knees alternatively straighten and bend. Legs push body back and forth. Hands clasp knees. Toes curl. Swallow. Look upwards. Eyebrows furl. Tongue probes chancre sore on lower left side of mouth below gums. Hand reaches into mouth and probes molar. Hand touches chancre. Hand leaves mouth. Hands clasp legs. Chancre throbs. Right thumb and forefinger scratch lower right earlobe in counterclockwise motion. Fingers grasp earlobe. Twists away from body. Tongue extends. Probes chancre. Pain drops into jaw. Tongue pushes against lower lip. Soft focus. Eyes double. Mucus drawn. Swallow. Swallow. Eyes cast downward. Swallow. Tongue emerges. Licks lips left to right. Left hand grasps right wrist behind thighs. Tips of toes stretch. Eyes move across body. Breathe from stomach. Back expands. Back contracts. Belly rises. Belly falls. Back thrusts forward. Drops. Close. Lips move. Eyes open. Swallow. Eyes close. Facial muscles relax. Back tingles. Chills emerge. Right hand moves to top of head. Fingernail scrapes scalp. Thumb meets each successive fingertip. Rubs. Thumb repeatedly flicks away from body. Goosebumps rise. Hairs stand on end. Waves of goosebumps cycle through body. Goosebumps recede. Continuous tingles. Swallow. Goosebumps rise on bottom of thighs. Eyes look down. View goosebumps. Toes tap. Left fingers draw chin. Horizontal scratching. Hand moves to nose. Left finger rubs outside of right nostril. Finger enters mouth. Tongue licks finger. Finger leaves mouth. Enters mouth. Finger probes interior of left nostril. Lubricated by mucus, finger slides counterclockwise. Finger moves from front of nose to back. Tip of finger probes inside ridge of nostril. Presses sinus. Protrudes from body. Finger enters right nostril. Digs counterclockwise. Fingernail plunges into dried caked mucus. Finger retreats from nose. Right index finger rubs against flat of thumb. Hand falls to thigh. Finger rubs thigh. Legs bend. Knees stretch. Arms wedge between thighs. Body erect. Left arm extends. Grasps. Walk. Right. Left. Right. Left. Body turns. Hand drops. Snaps. Urine flows in steady stream. Push belly and bladder and anus. Deep breath in. Stomach distends at lower abdomen. Anus relaxes. Releases gas. Left hand grasps penis. Shakes several times. Left arm extends. Fingers merge. Push down. Body turns one hundred eighty degrees. Walk left. Right. Left. Right. Hand slides over backside. Scratches. Left. Right. Left. Right hand grasps. Cradles. Bends. Rear end drops. Body drops. Left finger pushes. Legs cross. Thumb presses down. Thumb presses up. Thumb presses down. Moves to left. Right thumb presses out. Right hand, still grasping, moves to right ear. Mouth moves. Air glides across vocal cords. Step. Step. Step. Step. Hand grasps. Weight of body supported by right foot. Step. Step. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right hand raises to face. Rubs right eye. Step. Foot moves forward. Right foot supports weight of body. Left foot scrapes ground. Body weight on ball of left foot. Back arches. Foot falls. Knees bend. Body weight shifts to left foot. Hand extends and grasps. Foot falls to right. Foot falls to left. Outside of foot falls. Foot flattens. Toe veins flatten. Muscles flex. Relax. Foot flattens. Widens. Heel down. Flat foot. Heel down. Flat foot. Heel down. Flat foot. Heel down. Flat foot. Right heel. Flat right foot. Left heel. Left flat foot. Left hand raises and grasps. Passes to right hand. Thumb, middle finger and forefinger hold body. Turn. Arm drops. Walk. Knees bend. Hands graze knees. Right elbow out. Knees straighten. Body turns. Left hand opens. Fingers extend. Right hand opens. Fingers extend. Right foot propels body. Slinks into crouching position. Weight on balls of feet. Arms outstretch. Right hand grasps. Left hand opens. Left hand receives. Right hand grabs. Left arm extends. Left hand opens. Left hand receives. Right hand grasps. Pushes. Right hand grasps. Body extends. Stretches. Turns. Right foot. Left foot. Pivot. Palm up. Hip thrusts out. Left hip pushes. Turns. Slinks down. Right hand grasps. Right hand grasps. Releases. Right hand grasps. Left foot shifts slightly toward right. Right leg saddles perpendicular to left foot. Left toenails dig into flesh of right leg. Move back and forth repeatedly. Right hand grasps. Body slides. Hand opens. Left hand grasps. Turns. Pushes away.

2:40pm dc pat:

Phew, now I can maybe get some work done...

2:41pm MONTREAL:

You're listening to WFMU. This is Irwin Chusid.

2:41pm jazzmastercurious:

OK there are way too many people here with stairs in their houses, it's uncanny.

2:42pm 1mckrs:

got down on my knees

2:42pm Steve Gugel:

2:42pm Clark Barr:

I thought Dr. Who wiped out all the Daleks...

2:43pm Swami:

Okay I'm done with this exercise. Thank you and . . .wait, I'm gonna keep reading. . . no, I'm not. Yes. I grow bored. Next comment. NOW!

2:43pm Lizardner Dave:

Hey! He skipped the snippet of his wikipedia article. Darn.

2:43pm Jimi:

Pagan pigeons prepare preposterous political practices

2:43pm 1mckrs:

standin' at the crossroad

I tried to flag a ride

2:44pm jojo:

damn that pilates passage is going to end it....well anyway

Fox
Socks
Box
Knox

Knox in box.
Fox in socks.

Knox on fox in socks in box.

Socks on Knox and Knox in box.

Fox in socks on box on Knox.

Chicks with bricks come.
Chicks with blocks come.
Chicks with bricks and blocks and clocks come.

Look, sir. Look, sir. Mr. Knox, sir.
Let's do tricks with bricks and blocks, sir.
Let's do tricks with chicks and clocks, sir.

First, I'll make a quick trick brick stack.
Then I'll make a quick trick block stack.

You can make a quick trick chick stack.
You can make a quick trick clock stack.

And here's a new trick, Mr. Knox....
Socks on chicks and chicks on fox.
Fox on clocks on bricks and blocks.
Bricks and blocks on Knox on box.

Now we come to ticks and tocks, sir.
Try to say this Mr. Knox, sir....

Clocks on fox tick.
Clocks on Knox tock.
Six sick bricks tick.
Six sick chicks tock.

Please, sir. I don't like this trick, sir.
My tongue isn't quick or slick, sir.
I get all those ticks and clocks, sir,
mixed up with the chicks and tocks, sir.
I can't do it, Mr. Fox, sir.

I'm so sorry, Mr. Knox, sir.

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say....

New socks.
Two socks.
Whose socks?
Sue's socks.

Who sews whose socks?
Sue sews Sue's socks.

Who sees who sew whose new socks, sir?
You see Sue sew Sue's new socks, sir.

That's not easy, Mr. Fox, sir.

Who comes? ...
Crow comes.
Slow Joe Crow comes.

Who sews crow's clothes?
Sue sews crow's clothes.
Slow Joe Crow sews whose clothes?
Sue's clothes.

Sue sews socks of fox in socks now.

Slow Joe Crow sews Knox in box now.

Sue sews rose on Slow Joe Crow's clothes.
Fox sews hose on Slow Joe Crow's nose.

Hose goes.
Rose grows.
Nose hose goes some.
Crow's rose grows some.

Mr. Fox!
I hate this game, sir.
This game makes my tongue quite lame, sir.

Mr. Knox, sir, what a shame, sir.

We'll find something new to do now.
Here is lots of new blue goo now.
New goo. Blue goo.
Gooey. Gooey.
Blue goo. New goo.
Gluey. Gluey.

Gooey goo for chewy chewing!
That's what that Goo-Goose is doing.
Do you choose to chew goo, too, sir?
If, sir, you, sir, choose to chew, sir,
with the Goo-Goose, chew, sir.
Do, sir.

Mr. Fox, sir,
I won't do it.
I can't say.
I won't chew it.

Very well, sir.
Step this way.
We'll find another game to play.

Bim comes.
Ben comes.
Bim brings Ben broom.
Ben brings Bim broom.

Ben bends Bim's broom.
Bim bends Ben's broom.
Bim's bends.
Ben's bends.
Ben's bent broom breaks.
Bim's bent broom breaks.

Ben's band. Bim's band.
Big bands. Pig bands.

Bim and Ben lead bands with brooms.
Ben's band bangs and Bim's band booms.

Pig band! Boom band!
Big band! Broom band!
My poor mouth can't say that. No, sir.
My poor mouth is much too slow, sir.

Well then... bring your mouth this way.
I'll find it something it can say.

Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.

Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.

I can't blab such blibber blubber!
My tongue isn't make of rubber.

Mr. Knox. Now come now. Come now.
You don't have to be so dumb now....

Try to say this, Mr. Knox, please....

Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.

Stop it! Stop it!
That's enough, sir.
I can't say such silly stuff, sir.

Very well, then, Mr. Knox, sir.

Let's have a little talk about tweetle beetles....

What do you know about tweetle beetles? Well...

When tweetle beetles fight,
it's called a tweetle beetle battle.

And when they battle in a puddle,
it's a tweetle beetle puddle battle.

AND when tweetle beetles battle with paddles in a puddle,
they call it a tweetle beetle puddle paddle battle.

AND...

When beetles battle beetles in a puddle paddle battle
and the beetle battle puddle is a puddle in a bottle...
...they call this a tweetle beetle bottle puddle paddle battle muddle.

AND...

When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.

AND...

Now wait a minute, Mr. Socks Fox!

When a fox is in the bottle where the tweetle beetles battle
with their paddles in a puddle on a noodle-eating poodle,
THIS is what they call...

...a tweetle beetle noodle poodle bottled paddled
muddled duddled fuddled wuddled fox in socks, sir!

Fox in socks, our game is done, sir.
Thank you for a lot of fun, sir.

2:44pm Austin:

...to the store, to get me a 4-0
Snoop doggy dogg paged, that must mean more hoes
So I head down the street to long beach
Just so I could meet, a freak
To lick me from my head to my feet
And Im here, now Im ready to be done up
Nothin but homies around so I puts my gun up
Bitches on my nuts like clothes
But Im from the pound and we dont love them hoes

2:44pm Lee:

With less than a week left in Quebec's election campaign and against all odds, the political chatter in the province is being dominated by federal politics. Instead of discussing their own platforms, party leaders are largely reacting to and debating the implications of the power struggle in Ottawa. The possible implications - on the Quebec election, on the province's relationship with English Canada, and on the future of the independence movement - are myriad.

2:44pm Lizardner Dave:

I have lost well over an hour of productive work time on this. And it is absolutely, completely worth it.

2:44pm Happlku Movzong Urtzde:

Hi! Chuck E. Cheese recoils down the tree Poke out all his eyes
To Crunchitize to the Funk House street Boo
Sound as a nickel in a funky sound
Gonna con Sam Sally Who the yacket jars sing
I'm -- funny -- Thank you (Damn you!)
Myer gotta more money Compliment you
I -- uh, hug -- Andrew! More soup!
It's just scared of Walken in a poncho
Red kite Sun shake I chew
My money got you climbing on the web Die Q!
Mazel tov, no rake, yow!! Try get to honk ya
rrrrRAh! yadda yadda yadda yatta YO --

2:44pm 1mckrs:

standin' at the crossroad

I tried to flag a ride

2:44pm Evan:

For the first time ever, I find myself a consumer of POTASH.

2:45pm 1mckrs:

Didn't nobody seem to know me

everybody pass me by

2:46pm Kip Kip Kip LOZENGEFU:

Missile cuts no cold
Little cocktail like a toe
I see money now mom's a comb
Luxu-rah-ry, I'll risk Bob anyday Ho!
Let's go She must give me the wondo gumondo
Bronco Guess you need each to ponko
Joe row moon sadooshtasoo
Thought I got the oboe but I missed Say "Ah tay!!"
Hoochie Koochie Rah rah rahhh
Funkasticoonamada
whaackathung In a srahboorah
Get cold in a jet, touch a frog

2:47pm Bad Ronald:

Please call Al Capella. Ask him to sing these things with him from the whore: Six spoons of fresh blow, five thick scabs from her knees, and maybe a stack for her mother's knob. We also bleed a small spastic sheik and a fig soy grog for the lids. She can snoop these things and do three red gags, and we will go eat her Wednesday at the pain station.

2:47pm Brian:

Is he drinking water right now?

2:47pm Paste Eater Monkey Bubble:

Ohh!! Watermelon ticker Count all the butt
on boat Come here and hear a goodoo It's and I gotta do!
Hot tickets dance So we're ready now we're kids
In the walk Paw my room, I may knee ow

Knock knock (Who is it??) Osama The pot!
To my ear I gaurantee Za Mister Funkastic
Z-U Totaly male sheep too!
Zucchini show Mentally calf Can I see poo

Oh dear on I on yet I say horsey yeah! (Like money)
Sorry to rap, but oh please?
It's! (It's) Why! (Why) The! (The) Show! (Show)
Shouldn't say Pin a monster to feet

Jim Moonie mini barbecue, die die
It's another you Yo! No! Pot! No! Right! HEY!!
It's! (It's) Why! (Why) The! (The) Show! (Show)
Can we pawn, ka stinky, oh right

2:47pm dc pat:

where the hell's stingy d? He'd love this.

2:51pm Bobby Fischer:

1 P-K4 from the grave.

2:51pm Cecile:

I missed most of this, bummer.

2:51pm Ike:

Lizardner Dave, I believe FMU's DJs are not allowed to promote themselves or their works if they stand to profit.

2:52pm MONTREAL:

EVAN CORDES CHECKS IN. MONKEY MOENKEY MENOEY

2:53pm risky!:

i got the bugaloo flu.
bugaloo I tell you.
bugaloo!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA AHAHA!!!! AHAH HAHAHA!

2:53pm Cecile:

I feel like I'm living in a Bizarro world version of the Hampton's Grease Band's Halifax...

not that the original was all the linear...

2:53pm 1mckrs:

west wind coming up hard
flag whipping relentless outside the window
quiet afternoon on main street
this is no a haiku at all

2:54pm Not Jessica:

Brian Feldman is a big dork! Chocolate is better than Brian. I like milk and I won't quit! Why am I on your desktop? I... that's it.

2:54pm Austin:

You have been Angie's friend for a long time. Frankly, I'm insulted by this e-mail. You will receive your money! Bens intention was never to not pay you in full. I was extremely shocked when I saw how much you have charged us. As a friend, I did not expect to see those kind of charges. There are charges on this bill that was not justified. I treated you like a friend and not like a business. I was not aware that when we where sitting down drinking wine and having fruit that we where on the clock. I will not get into it out of the respect of your friendship with Angie. No friend would send such an insulting e-mail!

2:56pm stuccotoast:

oh, why do I do things like this.

i feel so bad afterwards.

next show I think I'll just read the dictionary.

that'll teach you
stupid listeners...
if anyone is actually still listening.

you people are nuts.

2:57pm Lizardner Dave:

@Ike - I think you're right, but I thought a snippet of an article about onesellf might be OK sort of like when Andy read the article about his feud with Don McLean on SSD. I didn't figure he'd read the snippet of "Fidget" that I posted, that was just a tribute.

2:57pm Bad Ronald:

times running out... just a few more comments to go...

2:59pm elvis lookalike:

And I'm happy to announce we'll be back next week with another 3 hours of anal magic

2:59pm risky!:

BUGALOOOOOOOOOOO!!

HAHAHAAAAAH HA HA HA.

2:59pm Doug in DC:

Where is the radio show portion? Answer, not on the disk you gave me.

3:01pm Ike:

LD, is Andy's "feud" with Don McLean real? If it's fiction, it's probably permissible. Also, there's probably a statute of limitations. The Don McLean thing is really old, isn't it?

3:02pm Lizardner Dave:

Maybe. I wasn't really putting that much thought into it. I was just trying to keep the piece going.

3:03pm darue:

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days.
Thursday, Friday, Happy Days.
The weekend comes,
My cycle hums,
Ready to race to you.